“So…do you like…people that are…young?”
“What does your car mean?”
“God is my pilot.” “God is my co-pilot.” “That’s a demotion.”
“If you are supposed to go to church, but instead, you go to the beach, and you give a talk on church attendance. THEN you get bit by a shark.”
Filed under: Sunday
“Careful not to kick the baby.”
“It’s written down in here (the BIBLE), but I don’t know if it’s true.”
“Think about the word ‘waste’ the way your mother used it:
‘Quit wasting my time.’ “
Filed under: Saturday
“That’s how he filters his women.”
“Alcohol poisoning?”
“I’m allergic to Catholics.”
Latest News
Portland, ME (ZipcarPress) – A missing child was found dead today after days of police following up on a missing persons report the parents of suburban Portland filed on Sunday.
Police have been on the search this entire week with the limited information they had. The parents positively identified the body today.
This family lived in the abandoned Maine Buffet; the parents said they didn’t see any signs of discontent or disgruntledness in their children. They did know this particular child was rather adventurous. When they saw their little one had wandered off, they didn’t think anything of it. “Oh,” the mother said, “That’s just our boy being mischievous. Maybe he’ll meet a bunch of nice girls. Maybe he’ll even bring back some food. It did not even cross my mind that would be the last time I’d see him.”
“He wanders off all the time,” said the father. “He’s always in by dark, but it was raining pretty steadily that day. He might have gotten stranded.”
The youngster was found in a first-floor hotel room of the Rodeway Inn, located next door to the Maine Buffet. He was lying near some phone wire that connects the phone to the wall jack. Forensics said the little one might have started choking, tried calling the front desk, and when he pushed zero for the front desk, he realized the phone didn’t work. He tried fixing the phone as a last-ditch effort to get help.
The parents just want some closure as to whether this really was an accident.
Police said whoever was staying there on Sunday appears to have left in a hurry. “Like a tornado passed through.”
Autopsy reports reveal the child’s stomach had pieces of a plastic bag he had chewed on and swallowed. Normally such an action makes quite a bit of noise. “That would explain why those guests left so quickly,” the officer said.
The police have tried tracking these guests. When they inquired the Rodeway Inn’s manager as to the guests’ whereabouts, the manager “did not know” because he was “not there.”
Investigators have spanned other Rodeway Inns in neighboring states for these potential witnesses. In this hunt, the officials passed the lush, ritzy Days Inn of Lebanon, but they kept driving.
Services for the child will be held this evening beneath booth #4 of the abandoned Maine Buffet.
Today is Sunday. I am in Portland/Lebanon
What I like about this place
Old woman “some guy” in response to “Who is Moroni?”
Discovering Days Inn
Sacrament
Deciding to leave
What I don’t like
Mouse
Not passing around Angel Moroni tree topper
Other Stuff
Checking out of Rodeway within 5 minutes of the decision to leave.
Today is Monday. I am in the zipcar.
Here’s what made me mad:
Elder Scott’s incessant talking, Yonkers couple.
But this made me laugh:
Amy and Hillary Ice cream faces
Other stuff
Hillary letting go of the wheel attempting to remember Thriller dance
Difficult
Taking care of confidential RS issue in a car with no privacy
Solving the Albatross riddle
Filed under: Fun-o-Meter
A. Amy
B. Becky
C. Hillary
D. Jessica
E. May
F. Hoboken
G. Arkansas family
H. Michael
I. Elder Scott
J. Sister Tredwell the Sunday School teacher
K. Little old ladies in Relief Society
L. Yonkers couple
M. Vernon convenience store loiterer
N. Days Inn of Lebanon, NH front desk lady
O. Irony/Ironic
Bravely shielded lobster shrapnel while eating her onion soup; inspired the giver-away of roll-away beds; owner of spandex camouflage biker shorts; Target lover
Trying to be cool, caught in an outright LIE at Joseph Smith’s birthplace (does letter O apply?)
A very good reason not to get slushies in Connecticut
Impersonated creepy men with a raspy, troll-like voice; doesn’t know how not to make friends; did not use the lobster tutorial from the house Catholic-hater
Always comparing Northerners and Southerners – at breakfast, on the boat; friends of our group friendmaker
A recurring theme of the trip; what’s the definition again?
Giver-away of roll-away beds because hotels really are not a mouse’s natural habitat
Grateful to have not taken the bus!
Made me more confused about the book of Hosea than if it were in Sanskrit
Diligent driver of the Zipcar; almost insisted the albatross in the Two-minute Mystery was a sandwich; mumbled and giggled in her sleep
Allergic to cactus – that’s CACTUS; managed to tell his life story and how to survive Maine snowstorms with the charm of someone expecting a big tip.
Middle-aged glass worker; invited “us” to go see live music in Portland, but did not realize who he wanted to go was already impersonating him with a raspy, troll-like voice
Prepared to recite the entire biography of Joseph Smith on request, or spontaneously – would have if it weren’t time for the 70-minute movie
Primary navigator of the expedition, helped figure out the satellite radio; swung on the big red kiddie swing at the park; ordered the non-gross-out version of the lobster
“Some guy” (accompanied by snickering)
Filed under: Fun-o-Meter
Becky says that the best vacation ever is a zip car trip to Days Inn of Lebanon. Once you’re there, you just have to drive. And don’t forget to Karate Kid Kick. The most exciting things to do are Road Trip and Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Tour, but only if you’re wearing Camoflauge Spandex Biker Shorts. There’s chocolatey food to eat too. Order the Lobster and Catholic special for a real treat and tell them Hoboken sent you. Before you head home, be sure to buy a Tropical Storm Ernesto at the souvenir shop! It will always remind you of your ironic trip.
Is in an object? Yes. Is it bigger than a breadbox? Yes. Does it exist? Yes. Is it tangible? Yes. Is it a person or group of people? No. Is it a cloud? Juh? Is it white? No. Does it drive an X1? Uh, no. Is it alive? Define “alive.” Does it eat or breathe? No. Does it have a magical quality to it? Yes. Does it talk? In my head, it does. Does it smile? Not lately. Is it bigger than Eartha? No. Is it delicious? Sort of. Is it Lenny the Moose? YES!
